Hey Reader,
If you’re writing in first person, you might have come across a repetition problem that is particularly hard to avoid: The I pronoun comes up a lot.
That’s not inherently bad: like the speech tag ‘said/says’, ‘I’ is, in many cases, practically invisible to the reader.
But it can start to jar when consecutive sentences begin the same way.
Sentences like these:
I enter the crowded restaurant, nervously tugging on my T-shirt. I spot her immediately.
I change the subject. ‘I have to admit, I didn’t expect to see you on this side of town.’
I look around and I realise that I’m the only one here.
As with any kind of repetition, too many ‘I’s in a row can have a grating effect. Worst case, the narrative voice becomes so monotonous that your reader taps out.
Don’t go overboard
Before we go any further, a warning: This is not an opportunity for a global find and replace search in your document!
‘I’ is not a crutch word to delete or replace whenever you come across it. You need ‘I’ in your first-person narration and trying too hard to wipe it out will make your writing sound weirdly unnatural.
However, if you notice lots of sentences in close succession starting with ‘I’, it’s a good idea to mix it up for more engaging prose.
Here are some ways to work around it.
Are you using filter words?
One of the easiest ways to reduce your ‘I’ usage is to check if it’s paired with a filter word. These are words related to senses or thoughts, like see, feel, hear, smell, realise, wonder, think.
If you’re already on top of filter words, then you’ll know they’re really a cue to bring your reader closer to your character’s POV with showing rather than telling.
For example:
Filter: I feel better being in the water.
Fix: The water is icy but soothing, the cold shock of it dulling my panic.
Filter: I think about what she said and how I argued back.
Fix: The argument runs through my mind on a loop, her sharp accusations landing like blows.
Filter: I see him in the distance, waving.
Fix: There he is, at the top of the hill, waving a solemn goodbye.
Could your prose use some rhythm?
If you’re starting a lot of consecutive sentences with ‘I’, read it out loud and see how it sounds. Are all the sentences similar in phrasing and length? Humans love variety in writing, so try combining short and long sentences and different structures to break up the monotony.
This example is pretty dull with its same-same sentences all starting with I:
I put my phone down and walk out to the garden. I stand there under the tree and gaze at the foliage. I can’t stop thinking about the past and how it always brings me back here.
Perhaps aiming for a more lyrical approach would help?
I put my phone down and drift out to the garden, dazed, heading for the green cover of the walnut tree that has always been my refuge. Why does the past insist on repeating? Why did it bring me back here?
Cut back on speech tags
If there are only two people in conversation in your scene, you might be able to do away with some of those speech tags to reduce the ‘I’s.
Consider replacing speech tags with action beats, or just remove them altogether so the convo can flow. Each person’s dialogue should start on a new line, which helps the reader keep track of who’s saying what.
For example, you might have an exchange like this:
‘I forgot all about this brooch,’ I said.
‘It was your mother’s favourite,’ Mary replied. ‘Why did you hide it away?’
‘I don’t know,’ I said.
Perhaps the memory was too painful, I thought.
So you could try:
‘I forgot all about this.’ My fingers traced the filigree work around the brooch's gleaming red stone.
‘It was your mother’s favourite.’ Mary knelt beside me. ‘Why did you hide it away?’
‘I don’t know.’ But I did know, deep down. The memory was too painful.
These action beats not only remove the speech tag echo of ‘I’, which is already in use in the dialogue, they add greater texture and emotion to the scene. They also provide subtle context for who is speaking in lieu of a speech tag. That’s not to say all speech tags should be removed and replaced with action – but if you’re peppering in ‘I said/thought/replied’ frequently, you can afford to weed a few out.
Authors, if you’re writing in first person, I hope you give some of these tips a try! Let me know how you go – and if you’re at the stage you can no longer see those sneaky ‘I’s yourself, I can help. Get in touch for a free sample copyedit or proofread.
Aye, aye!
Penny
